I've recently been overwhelmed with seemingly endless opportunities to do good things. I've been weighing what to say yes to and what to say no to. Seems like every year of my life I have to say no to more good things. (Young mothers and fathers may relate to this, as those children need a lot of attention, as do your marriages, and there's no end to the things, both bad and good, that could distract you from either or both.)
Just today I backed out of two things I'd said I thought I could do, months ago when it seemed there would be time for them. I hate to do this, but it's become clear that I have to be ruthless to carve out time to do what I believe God wants me to, or it's just not going to happen.
We shouldn’t say yes to something just because it’s a good thing or even a great thing. When saying no to good things, I always remind myself what Nanci and I have learned over many years: I must say no to people concerning the vast majority of good things they invite me to, in order to be available to say yes to God concerning that small number of things He has truly called me to. Sometimes we tend to say yes to too many of the good things, leaving us exhausted and unable to bring our best to those relatively few God-things.
(Of course, some people are not saying yes to the things God calls them to, because they're saying yes instead to three hours of TV and internet surfing or video games each night. I'm talking now about those who are using their time wisely but are still feeling overwhelmed.)
Whenever we say yes to something, we’ve found that it’s not just the new thing itself, it’s the new contacts, the new networks, and all the new requests that come out of them. We love people, and we enjoy making new friends. And yet, it’s also true that while we’re grateful when God brings us new friends, we are not actively seeking them, because as the years go by we have to work harder just to stay in touch with our old ones.
Sometimes I just have to give up on email, because it's never-ending. I can't possibly stay on top of it unless I do nothing else. There are only 168 hours in the week no matter what we do (and during a third of those we should be sleeping!) If we have X number of people to make time for, they have to come out of the same small pie of available time, and pretty soon the slices of the pie get smaller and smaller. You end up having dear friends who no longer get a sliver, because it’s been divided so many times.
As with people, so it is with causes. Rather than a large number of causes that we have tiny little investments in, better to have a much smaller number that you’re wholeheartedly engaged in, giving your very best. Ask God for wisdom as to which these should be, and God will give it (James 1:3). But NEVER say yes without asking whether this is one of those exceptional things God really wants you to do. Tell Him that unless He smacks you in the side of the head and makes it clear, you will assume He DOESN’T want you to do it.
This is planned neglect. We need to neglect doing the things that countless people want us to do, so that we will be available to do what God wants. And sometimes He speaks in a still small voice, while people speak in a big LOUD voice. We have to make sure we’re listening. To do that, we need to put our ear to His Word and pray and seek His face.
Instead of exhausting ourselves doing many secondary things, may we do a few primary things well. And that begins with our daily time with God. When Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet soaking Him in, and Martha was mad because Mary wasn’t doing what she wanted, Jesus said to Martha, “only a few things are necessary, really only one; Mary has chosen the better portion, which shall not be taken from her" (Luke 10:42).
So, decide what you are going to neglect this week in order to pay attention to God. And while you do that, seek His wisdom and empowerment in doing those few things He wants you to do.
Whenever we say yes to something, we’ve found that it’s not just the new thing itself, it’s the new contacts, the new networks, and all the new requests that come out of them. We love people, and we enjoy making new friends. And yet, it’s also true that while we’re grateful when God brings us new friends, we are not actively seeking them, because as the years go by we have to work harder just to stay in touch with our old ones.
Sometimes I just have to give up on email, because it's never-ending. I can't possibly stay on top of it unless I do nothing else. There are only 168 hours in the week no matter what we do (and during a third of those we should be sleeping!) If we have X number of people to make time for, they have to come out of the same small pie of available time, and pretty soon the slices of the pie get smaller and smaller. You end up having dear friends who no longer get a sliver, because it’s been divided so many times.As with people, so it is with causes. Rather than a large number of causes that we have tiny little investments in, better to have a much smaller number that you’re wholeheartedly engaged in, giving your very best. Ask God for wisdom as to which these should be, and God will give it (James 1:3). But NEVER say yes without asking whether this is one of those exceptional things God really wants you to do. Tell Him that unless He smacks you in the side of the head and makes it clear, you will assume He DOESN’T want you to do it.
This is planned neglect. We need to neglect doing the things that countless people want us to do, so that we will be available to do what God wants. And sometimes He speaks in a still small voice, while people speak in a big LOUD voice. We have to make sure we’re listening. To do that, we need to put our ear to His Word and pray and seek His face.Instead of exhausting ourselves doing many secondary things, may we do a few primary things well. And that begins with our daily time with God. When Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet soaking Him in, and Martha was mad because Mary wasn’t doing what she wanted, Jesus said to Martha, “only a few things are necessary, really only one; Mary has chosen the better portion, which shall not be taken from her" (Luke 10:42).
So, decide what you are going to neglect this week in order to pay attention to God. And while you do that, seek His wisdom and empowerment in doing those few things He wants you to do.
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:15-17)
Randy Alcorn
Comments:
Randy,
I loved how you phrased this as "planned neglect." But as soon as I hear it I think I'm setting myself up to be lazy. However, that is not my default...I usually over commit and run myself into the ground. God has used my chronic pain to slow me down. This requires me to be more decisive about priorities and creating lots of sponge time. I'm seeing how this slower pace influences the unique and special jobs I have now of raising my kids and supporting my husband/pastor. Thank you for the encouraging words today. You've touched a mother and wife who often heaps false guilt on her head ("You aren't doing enough!").
Randy, My wife and I are at a place where we really needed to hear what you had to say in this article. Thanks. :o)
Randy - I have come to believe our society thinks it is a good thing to be overbooked, overstressed - we think it makes us sound more worthy or important. I watch children who have every day scheduled to the max - people don't just "sit" and watch the stars and quietly exchange words or read without a purpose - simply to enjoy the written word. Thinking about how you walk - planned neglect is a good phrase - it is better to neglect something (because we aren't completely cutting it off) than to do it in a double minded way.
Charles Spurgeon once said something like, "The ability to say no will serve you better than even a profound knowledge of Latin & Greek."
My pastor preaches on time management about once per year. These sermons have made me very happy to not have my TV even plugged into the wall, and they have also gotten me to write down an entire week's activities in 15-minute increments. Also, I'm relieved to have a bookstand on my treadmill.
When a Christian journals their entire week down to 15-minute increments, they may discover that they have quit brushing their teeth properly, have quit exercising, etc., just trying to do more for God.
As a member of the Center for Science in the Public Interest (which got sodium & trans fat listed on labels), I am encouraged to hear that maybe someday soon Christians may get more exercise on the job throughout the day because of the following website: worktools.com. (Or else it's details-worktools.com). I've not had a chance to see the site yet, but I understand that it offers stuff like a combination treadmill/computer station. Yep, that 3-hour stretch at your computer could instead be keeping you healthier and lowering your medical costs! Less back aches, more alertness and better concentration, burning calories are some of the more obvious benefits. According to CSPI's NUTRITION ACTION HEALTHLETTER article, "Chair Today, Gone Tomorrow" (April 2008), "People are experiencing increases in insurance rates in the double digits. Companies are not even looking at reductions in health care costs. They're just trying to stop the rate of increase....Best Buy, Wal-Mart, and Trane, an air conditioning company, have or are about to sign on (to having light exericise added to their employees' jobs and workstations)."
A quick, easy tip is to NEVER use the phone while sitting down! Talk while pacing your feet a little or something, at least stand up. Grab a weight with your free arm or something.
The Lord has directed me to this info at a crucial juncture: I've been asked to edit 6 years worth of adult & kids Sunday school curriculum in order to alleviate the burden of churches having to spend thousands of dollars per year just on curriculum. My pastor plans to make all this work (donated from a pastor who died recently) available for free on the Internet. So when gas and food prices sky rocket, when jobs are cut and donations begin to perhaps slow down to trickles, churches will still be able to get planted and survive in difficult times.
So I APPRECIATE this blog, Mr. Alcorn, VERY much!
I come from a medical family, so I know what savage dedication is required for medical school. You say no to friends, you say no to many would-be priorities. I am grateful to have doctors in my family who will be able to encourage me, "Stick to the path, stick to the path, it will be WORTH it," since this is the biggest undertaking of my entire lifetime thus far. (Anyone reading this, I covet your prayers...) Love, Miss Mytyl Wilson
It's a continual lesson for me. But I'm determined to learn it. :)
Randy,
I've been hoping to read your book "Does the Birth Conrol Pill Cause abortions" and just came across the article about it in the Samaritan Ministries Newsletter. My husband and I have been against the pill for the same reasons stated. So glad to see there is a good book out there on the subject.
Thanks.
The really interesting thing about trying to put this into practice IMHO is that it forces me to face my internal demons. When I say "no" to several good things, people will not understand why (not MIGHT not understand, but WILL not). It's then that I find out how much pleasing them means to me. The internal demon of needing others' approval is insidious.
Interestingly enough we're trying to apply a "corporate" verson of this same concept at church. Rather than being a church that does anything and everything just because someone has a passion for it, we're trying to help our people focus on a relatively few activities and disciplines that truly advance our mission. It's no easier to do corporately than it is individually!
Living a meaningful human life is no task for the faint hearted it seems...
This has really encouraged me!! We have decisions before us now and we want to do the best to the best of our ability. God Bless you- Crystal
We are not to be people-pleasers, that is for sure! Thank you for the reminder... I often pass up many opportunities to do good and then feel guilty. No more. I just need to keep my eyes focused on God and do what HE has for me to do.
Thank you for these thoughts. It is a constant battle in our society to listen to God and do what He wants. "Good" things are not always "better".
what a great reminder. it seems like sometimes we as Christians neglect our families more than anyone so we can 'minister'. thanks for sharing this.
ps I loved what you said about either having so many people who get tiny little slices OR having just a few to whom you can be wholeheartedly committed.
indeed, Randy. Amen. "Busy" does not necessarily equal "productive."
"Instead of exhausting ourselves doing many secondary things, may we do a few primary things well."
May it be so.
Blessings,
Keri
i have been having the sentence "dont let good get in the way of best" stuck in my head for one hour. i have to say it all of the time...and then i wanted to look up the books list on the eternalperspectiveministries homepage (i have been on that page before earlier that day !) and i am looking for the right link when my eyes scan the sentence
"Saying No to Good Things So We Can Say Yes to the Best"
i think that should be gods message for me today;-)
he is simply amazing!!
greetings from germany!
keep on working for his kingdom!
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